Little Red Riding Hood was on her way to see her grandmother in the forest.

Her mother warned her "Don't walk through the forest, take the path, or else the Big Bad Wolf will catch you and suck your tits dry!"

Little Red started towards her grandmother's house but decided to take the shortcut through the forest anyway.

The turtle stopped Little Red and warned her "Turn back and use the path, because if the Big Bad Wolf finds you, he'll suck your tits dry!"

Little Red was almost there, so she kept going through the forest.

Sure enough, the Big Bad Wolf jumps out of nowhere and tells her "Take off your shirt Little Red Riding Hood - I'm gonna suck your tits dry!!".

"Oh no you don't", yells Little Red, as she pulls up her skirt, "You're gonna eat me just like the story says!"

UQM

Okay, this song is sang to the tune of ** I WILL SURVIVE **, and here are the funny words insted of the reasl words. I know you will get a kick outa this!
UQM

((SPOKEN PREAMBLE ))
At first I was afraid, I was petrified,
When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died!
But I'd spent so many years just waiting for a man that long,
That I grew strong, and I knew that I could take you on....

((Verse 1))
But there you are, another lie,
I was ready for a big mac and you've bought me a French fry!
I should have known that it was bullshit, just a sad pathetic dream,
Should have known there was no anaconda lurking inside of those jeans!
Go on now go, walk out the door,
Don't you promise me 10 inches, then turn up with only 4!
Weren't you a brat to think I wouldn't catch you out!?
Don't you know we're only joking when we say size doesn't count???!

((Chorus))
I will survive! I will survive! 'Cos as long as I have
batteries,
My sex life is always gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex with a handful of latex!
I will survive! I will survive!. . .Hey! Hey!

([Verse II])
It took all my self control not to laugh out loud,
When I saw your little wiener standing tall and proud!
But to hell with all your egos and to hell with all your needs
Now I'm saving all my lovin' for a cordless multispeed!

((Chorus))
I will survive! I will survive! 'Cos as long as I have
batteries, My sex life is gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex with a handful of latex!
I will survive! I will survive!. . .Hey! Hey!

I don't care WHO ya are, that's funny right there!

Okay so I had to go offline fo a little while and get things straightened out with my man.
No, I didn't tell him all about the webcam stuff. I am a big ole chicken. The good part is that he is actually giving me some lately! I even went out and bought some sexxy nighties so that I could please him. I haven't bought anythilng but eeyore jammies in forever!
We took the kids and went on a long trip out of state to visit our families cause he had a family member that passed away recently and wanted to be there for his family. It was all in all a pretty good trip.
I will be back posting more often now that i am home again.
UQM

okay, so i went a little overboard last night.
I haven't slept in like 2 days or mabye a bit more.
I am loosing it.
Since my man got on those antidepressants last yrear i have been cut off sexually. He just can't get into it and *mr. happy* won't cooperate. Inhave had to make sue with my battery opperated devices. Its okay,but it isn't a connection. even for a breif moment.
Let me say that i would never ever EVER physically cheat on my husband. But i am not sure what has gotten into me!
Does watching some strange man on a webcam jerk off constitute as cheating?
Does flashing your tits on cam or bradcasting yourself while you jerk yourself off with a vibrator constitute as cheating? Now i have not shown my face or given any details to those nameless faceless people who have veiwed my cam. Neither have they. I don't intend on actualyy talking to thse people at all.Ever.
Am I wrong?
I can see things afterwards clearly but when i have been doing them ifeel like i am in a haze and watching it done by someone else and i am just acting.
I know this is the mania taking control due to my extremely high emotional stress level and the mountain of demands on me right now.
I am ashamed in hindsight.
I am praying that GOD will have mercy on me and help me stop this.
I am not this way anymore. I put all that behind me years ago.
This is not how a good stable christian mother behaves.
I don't know what TO DO.
I got a phone call out of the blue a few minutes ago from someone I haven't seen in a long time. I am going out to lunch with a girl i went to high school with that just moved back here today. She and I went to the prom together with our ex's. I haven't talked to her in like,years.
Maybe having someone to do stuff with and get out tf the house with will ease my frustrating mania swing?
One can only hope.
Please y'all, Pray for me. I am begging you too.
UQM

I just dont' know what my parents were thinking this morning! I am so pissed off at them i want to scream. And I just might punch something!
I went to work last night with the understanding that my parents would stay here this morning with the kids and get them ready for school until i could get home from work.
THey got them up, got them dressed, fed them breakfast and made sure the had their backpacks stuffed with their homework, daily behavior reports, and folders. THey laid out their light jackets and their shoes got put on. They got them up at 6 am to start this. I get home at 730 from work.
My parents left the house at 7 mins to 7.
Let me remind you that i get home at 730.
My kids are all under 11. There are 3 of them.
I called the house at about 7 after 7 to let my stepmother know that i was on my way and to see how the morning was going. My 10 year old answered the phone. I asked her to give the phone to Papa or Mammie. She said I can't. They left at 7 mins to 7 for work.
My other 2 kids are 7 and 5. They can get into ANYTHING even when i am in the room. My 10 year old is very responsible for her self, but she isn't old enough to be sitting for others that age yet.
I raced home in disbeleif and ended up in the driveway at 724 being one piping mad momma. I kept my daughter on my cellphone the whole drive.
My step mom called to in response to my angry voice mail message and said that i was overreacting and that they are fine for a half an hour and that i am way too overprotective.
I don't know. I think they were wrong and i am right.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

UQM